Just a place for me to release my thoughts when I have nothing better to do.
New Year, New Disappointments
Just a rant about my life. If you actually care, go ahead and read it.
That title should pretty much be my motto for every New Year. Looking back to January of 2010 & 2011, they both started the year off for me in a negative way. This year, it’s pretty much the same thing.
A lot of people tend to underestimate how much a lie can hurt somebody. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong and it’s just me who feels that way. Maybe I’m the only one who absolutely hates being lied to, because of the feeling of betrayal and pain that comes after hearing the truth. The feeling of pain and betrayal is amplified exponentially if I have a high level of trust for the person. So let’s say you feel the same way as I do when it comes to being lied to. Now, imagine if there’s not just one, but two people that you completely trusted that lied to you. On top of that, one of them had recently just regained your trust back. Imagine that you asked them both the same question over 8 months ago lied to you, but you were dumb enough to believe them because their stories matched up. If you felt the same way I did when it comes to being lied to, how hurt do you think you would feel?
I always told myself that January 2011 would always and forever will be the worst month of my life. Two days into 2012, I was proven wrong right away. I’ve never felt so betrayed and hurt at the same time. I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied the whole day, but nothing I do helps. Nothing I do suppresses the sharp pain I’ve been feeling on my chest, even for a few minutes. I’ve only left my room when I had to. I’ve eaten less than what I would eat for one meal the whole day. I’m lost on what to do. The thoughts in my head that I worked so hard to fight off in the past are slowly coming back. As the title says, it’s a new year. There will be more disappointments to come. This is just the first one. I want to say that it will be the worst one, but who knows?
